So the Bug is starting to get to an age where she can tell the difference between suitable television programing and my secret pleasure, the Real Housewives. (I can't get enough of 'em, although I totally think all the New Jersey Housewives are completely whack-a-do.) She's been a bit under the weather the past few days, so I've been letting her watch more TV than usual, since she hasn't been as into chasing the dog around the sofa as she is when her energy level is normal.
So I've been watching Sprout and Nickelodeon.
Okay, so it is time to date myself a bit. The TV I remember watching when I was a preschooler is pretty much Reading Rainbow and Sesame Street. Beyond that, my mom watched Days of Our Lives and Another World.
Some things I have learned from this new generation of children's shows.
1. Australians are really freakin' weird.
Example 1a: Dirt Girl World
Okay, so it is actually a co-production of the CBC and the ABC, but all the creepy little people and bugs have Aussie accents, so I lay this at the feet of the Aussies.
2. Brits are a bit odd as well. (Perhaps I should have combined these into one and just laid it at the feet of the entire Commonwealth. Perhaps this oddness is the lasting influence of the royal family?)
Example 2a: Rubbadubbers, a series that takes place entirely in a bathroom in stop motion.
Example 2b: Fireman Sam. It seems that Fireman Sam and his cohort are Welsh, and it is interesting to note that when the show originally aired, it was in Welsh. Even for a kids show, however, the morals seem a bit tidy. Also, I find a few of the voices a bit off, and the Welsh accents make me think of the show Torchwood, so I keep waiting for Capitan Jack Harkness to swoop in and blame the rift, and possibly hire and/or sleep with Fireman Sam or his sidekick who is, inexplicably, named Elvis.
3. Math can solve anything. The Bug loves a show on Nick called "Team UmiZoomi" in which 2 Smurf-sized children and their handy Robot solve Umi City's problems with their Mighty Math Powers. The show actually reinforces important skills for preschoolers like shapes, pattern recognition and counting, but the breadth of problems they solve with math is nothing short of stunning. They've found lost toys, gotten planes off the ground, made sure Grandma got her "I Love You Day" cookies. The part the Bug likes best is the song at the end.
4. It's all good if you can end the day with a song. Just ask Team UmiZoomi or Dora the Explorer.
I still want to know what Dora would do if she didn't find her objective and couldn't sing the "We Did It" song at the end of an episode.
Showing posts with label list. Show all posts
Showing posts with label list. Show all posts
Friday, December 10, 2010
Stupid Stuff I Love
So I have this in-law. She knows everything. Just ask her, and she'll tell you everything there is to know about everything. When presented with any question, this particular relative will emphatically tell the asker why her opinion is RIGHT. When I seek out friends to help me edit my dissertation, I won't ask her, largely because she will suddenly develop a deep knowledge of my field and attempt to debate points of methodology with me.
When I registered for gear for the Bug, this particular relative called me to critique roughly half of the baby stuff I had picked out. She has 2 kids, and of course she knew what we needed. She has, in fact, given us a lot of hand-me-downs, and I'm not saying we don't appreciate them, but I'm also a grown person and I would like to make a few decisions on my own for my child. And while I am all about the frugal, one of the advantages of a middle-class existence is that one has the means to get a few frivolous things.
Indeed, there is at least one baby item that DH and I use in part to spite this particular relation.
In light of this, thanks to the anonymous nature of the internet, here is a short list of baby stuff that I have loved so far that she thought were dumb.
1. Our wipe warmer. It is pretty frivolous in its own way... after all, the Bug survives when we are out and about and she has to deal with a room-temperature wipe. But the warmed wipes are particularly nice when she has a diaper rash or when she has woken up in the middle of the night and needs to be changed, as it eases the shock of suddenly being unwrapped down to a naked bum. If you get the right sort and maintain it correctly, it doesn't dry out the wipes.
2. The Boppy Newborn Lounger. This thing was awesome when the Bug was smaller. She was never one for chilling out in mechanical moving things (i.e. bouncy seats or swings), and has always been one for being near people.
We were able to put her on it next to us where ever we were and she could just chill out. I loved this thing, the Bug loved this thing.
3. The nursing cover. I happen to have one by Balboa Baby. We like it, mostly. It is either appropriate or an evil thing of covering my child. I prefer this to the know-it-all relative's approach, which was to nurse her children in public restrooms. I'm sorry, but that's kind of gross, if you ask me.
4. Newborn sized diapers. In these days of 8 and 10lb babies, there are a number of kiddos who never need these. The bug was 6lbs 5oz when she was born. For the first few weeks, the size 1s were just way too big. Sure, the size 1s mostly kept poop off of us, but the newborn ones fit so much better. We didn't need a massive case of them or anything, but they did the job so much better than the size 1s, which the nosey relative assured us were all we would need.
When I registered for gear for the Bug, this particular relative called me to critique roughly half of the baby stuff I had picked out. She has 2 kids, and of course she knew what we needed. She has, in fact, given us a lot of hand-me-downs, and I'm not saying we don't appreciate them, but I'm also a grown person and I would like to make a few decisions on my own for my child. And while I am all about the frugal, one of the advantages of a middle-class existence is that one has the means to get a few frivolous things.
Indeed, there is at least one baby item that DH and I use in part to spite this particular relation.
In light of this, thanks to the anonymous nature of the internet, here is a short list of baby stuff that I have loved so far that she thought were dumb.
1. Our wipe warmer. It is pretty frivolous in its own way... after all, the Bug survives when we are out and about and she has to deal with a room-temperature wipe. But the warmed wipes are particularly nice when she has a diaper rash or when she has woken up in the middle of the night and needs to be changed, as it eases the shock of suddenly being unwrapped down to a naked bum. If you get the right sort and maintain it correctly, it doesn't dry out the wipes.
2. The Boppy Newborn Lounger. This thing was awesome when the Bug was smaller. She was never one for chilling out in mechanical moving things (i.e. bouncy seats or swings), and has always been one for being near people.
We were able to put her on it next to us where ever we were and she could just chill out. I loved this thing, the Bug loved this thing.
3. The nursing cover. I happen to have one by Balboa Baby. We like it, mostly. It is either appropriate or an evil thing of covering my child. I prefer this to the know-it-all relative's approach, which was to nurse her children in public restrooms. I'm sorry, but that's kind of gross, if you ask me.
4. Newborn sized diapers. In these days of 8 and 10lb babies, there are a number of kiddos who never need these. The bug was 6lbs 5oz when she was born. For the first few weeks, the size 1s were just way too big. Sure, the size 1s mostly kept poop off of us, but the newborn ones fit so much better. We didn't need a massive case of them or anything, but they did the job so much better than the size 1s, which the nosey relative assured us were all we would need.
Monday, December 6, 2010
The Nine Month Old
So every time the Bug goes for her check ups, our pediatrician (who we love), gives us a hand out about what she should be doing at this stage. I thought I'd share where she stands on the milestones that they outline in this month's hand out.
1. "Sits Alone"
What you can't see there is that she is actually leaning forward from the back of the crib, not just leaning on the headboard.
2. "Crawls or scoots, then pulls to standing."
The poor dog. Dude can't escape if the baby gate is up.
And the list of stuff she can mess with just tripled.
3." Picks up small objects with thumb and forefinger... and feeds self..."
What they fail to mention is how pleased she'll be with this particular skill or she will feed herself paper.
4. "Babbles 'ma ma' and 'da da' and enjoys music."
They don't mention that she will also imistate inflections and start sounding like a miniature professor.
They also don't mention that baby ninja will cut her mommy in the middle of the night as some sort of warning. (Sweat heart, if you didn't like the Turkey Vegetable puree, you could have just told me.)
Ninja baby gives her target a warning slice while the target ... on Twitpic
They suggest that she might be afraid of animals. (See above.)
1. "Sits Alone"
What you can't see there is that she is actually leaning forward from the back of the crib, not just leaning on the headboard.
2. "Crawls or scoots, then pulls to standing."
The poor dog. Dude can't escape if the baby gate is up.
3." Picks up small objects with thumb and forefinger... and feeds self..."
What they fail to mention is how pleased she'll be with this particular skill or she will feed herself paper.
4. "Babbles 'ma ma' and 'da da' and enjoys music."
They don't mention that she will also imistate inflections and start sounding like a miniature professor.
They also don't mention that baby ninja will cut her mommy in the middle of the night as some sort of warning. (Sweat heart, if you didn't like the Turkey Vegetable puree, you could have just told me.)
Ninja baby gives her target a warning slice while the target ... on Twitpic
They suggest that she might be afraid of animals. (See above.)
Sunday, September 26, 2010
How to Accomplish Some Academic Writing
How to write a 400-500 word abstract supposing one would like to present at an academic conference.
Before motherhood and maternity leave:
1. Go to office.
2. Piddle for a while: get a coffee, chat with neighbours, check mail, read e-mail and internet forums.
3. Open blank word document.
4. Stare at said document.
5. Surf internet again. There's this big world out there, and you need to know what's going on in it. Barring that, there's always YouTube.
6. Bang out 500 words at a rate of roughly 3 buzzwords per minute.
7. Show said 500 words to your neighbours who will offer helpful ideas like "you could put another buzzword there" and "are you sure 'intertextualize' is a word?" and "wanna grab a beer instead of write this abstract?"
8. Hit save button. Assume it is good enough.
9. Call it a day and go for the afore mentioned beer.
How to accomplish this same task during maternity leave:
1. Attempt to write during nap time.
2. Discover that it is impossible to simultaneously worry about the 700 lbs of laundry that have piled up, because no matter how hard you try, you just can't manage it without help that, because of your employment status, you cannot afford.
3. Give up, start laundry, discover that darling child has woken up and is hungry and messy.
4. Try again. Fail miserably, because how could anyone manage to write anything intelligent when the kitchen is this messy?
5. Remember that the above is why you used to go to the office to work, and why you miss having an office desperately.
6. Mention to Darling Husband the difficulty of trying to write while being a mommy. Have him offer, from the goodness of his heart, to baby wrangle for a couple of hours while you go write for a while.
7. Provide sexual favour to afore mentioned spouse for spending 2 hours doing what you do every day.
8. When the appointed day arrives, remind your spouse that he said he do this. Do not accept, even for a minute, his claim of forgetfulness.
9. Leave baby with husband, trying very hard to ignore mom-guilt and pile of dirty laundry. Pile of dirty laundry won't get substantially worse whilst you are gone.
10. Go to café. Set up laptop, pretend decaf is just as good as the real stuff.
11. Write like a crazy person.
12. Realize you aren't 100% sure if the buzzwords you used to use are still buzzwords or are now just lame.
13. Pee. Decaf may not be all of that, but your bladder ain't what she used to be.
14. Try to ignore all of the interesting strangers at the café.
15. Relish being in public without people criticizing your parenting or commenting on the handsomeness of your baby boy, who oddly is dressed in a pink dress.
16. Realize that your 2 hours are nearly at an end, and speed home with 350 passable words, and remain unconvinced by decaf.
Before motherhood and maternity leave:
1. Go to office.
2. Piddle for a while: get a coffee, chat with neighbours, check mail, read e-mail and internet forums.
3. Open blank word document.
4. Stare at said document.
5. Surf internet again. There's this big world out there, and you need to know what's going on in it. Barring that, there's always YouTube.
6. Bang out 500 words at a rate of roughly 3 buzzwords per minute.
7. Show said 500 words to your neighbours who will offer helpful ideas like "you could put another buzzword there" and "are you sure 'intertextualize' is a word?" and "wanna grab a beer instead of write this abstract?"
8. Hit save button. Assume it is good enough.
9. Call it a day and go for the afore mentioned beer.
How to accomplish this same task during maternity leave:
1. Attempt to write during nap time.
2. Discover that it is impossible to simultaneously worry about the 700 lbs of laundry that have piled up, because no matter how hard you try, you just can't manage it without help that, because of your employment status, you cannot afford.
3. Give up, start laundry, discover that darling child has woken up and is hungry and messy.
4. Try again. Fail miserably, because how could anyone manage to write anything intelligent when the kitchen is this messy?
5. Remember that the above is why you used to go to the office to work, and why you miss having an office desperately.
6. Mention to Darling Husband the difficulty of trying to write while being a mommy. Have him offer, from the goodness of his heart, to baby wrangle for a couple of hours while you go write for a while.
7. Provide sexual favour to afore mentioned spouse for spending 2 hours doing what you do every day.
8. When the appointed day arrives, remind your spouse that he said he do this. Do not accept, even for a minute, his claim of forgetfulness.
9. Leave baby with husband, trying very hard to ignore mom-guilt and pile of dirty laundry. Pile of dirty laundry won't get substantially worse whilst you are gone.
10. Go to café. Set up laptop, pretend decaf is just as good as the real stuff.
11. Write like a crazy person.
12. Realize you aren't 100% sure if the buzzwords you used to use are still buzzwords or are now just lame.
13. Pee. Decaf may not be all of that, but your bladder ain't what she used to be.
14. Try to ignore all of the interesting strangers at the café.
15. Relish being in public without people criticizing your parenting or commenting on the handsomeness of your baby boy, who oddly is dressed in a pink dress.
16. Realize that your 2 hours are nearly at an end, and speed home with 350 passable words, and remain unconvinced by decaf.
Monday, September 6, 2010
Non-Mom Uses for Mom Products
While it is tempting to make a joke of this and say that the best non-mom use of a nursing pad is as an on-the-fly young boy's yarmulke, in all seriousness, I've found some great uses for stuff I didn't even have in my life before the Bug.
1. Diapers: disposable diapers absorb vast quantities of liquid. They are awesome for wiping up spills. Recently, I used some ones the Bug had outgrown to get the standing water out of my dishwasher which crapped out on us mid-cycle. My mother-in-law who is a painter uses outgrown disposable diapers
Traditional and pre-fold cloth diapers are awesome for dusting and washing windows. Just be sure to clean them first.
2. Wipes: OMG! these things are awesome. They can be used to clean almost anything, they remove make up gently, are gentler on hands than hand sanitizer, wipe up messes, and make passable kleenex. If there is a "fur baby" in your life, wipes can be used to clean dirty paws, face smudge, and messes that the furry little bastard may make. Hint: get the "gentle" or otherwise marked unscented option... firstly, it is better for baby's delicate skin, secondly if you use it on your face, you won't smell like whatever some chemist thinks a baby bum should smell like.
3. The boxes diapers come in are fantastic boxes. They have handles, they are sturdy. I'm totally waiting until after we've finished moving to even consider switching to cloth.
4. Diaper rash cream: it works by almost anything that makes you red or itchy. Just don't use the Boudreax's Butt Paste... it is great on baby bums, but it smells like bacon. Trust me, you don't want to smell like that all day because of a mosquito bites.
I'm going to continue looking for new uses for these things. I'm all about frugal, and I'm all about having fewer stacks of crap and not having a 500 lb diaper bag.
1. Diapers: disposable diapers absorb vast quantities of liquid. They are awesome for wiping up spills. Recently, I used some ones the Bug had outgrown to get the standing water out of my dishwasher which crapped out on us mid-cycle. My mother-in-law who is a painter uses outgrown disposable diapers
Traditional and pre-fold cloth diapers are awesome for dusting and washing windows. Just be sure to clean them first.
2. Wipes: OMG! these things are awesome. They can be used to clean almost anything, they remove make up gently, are gentler on hands than hand sanitizer, wipe up messes, and make passable kleenex. If there is a "fur baby" in your life, wipes can be used to clean dirty paws, face smudge, and messes that the furry little bastard may make. Hint: get the "gentle" or otherwise marked unscented option... firstly, it is better for baby's delicate skin, secondly if you use it on your face, you won't smell like whatever some chemist thinks a baby bum should smell like.
3. The boxes diapers come in are fantastic boxes. They have handles, they are sturdy. I'm totally waiting until after we've finished moving to even consider switching to cloth.
4. Diaper rash cream: it works by almost anything that makes you red or itchy. Just don't use the Boudreax's Butt Paste... it is great on baby bums, but it smells like bacon. Trust me, you don't want to smell like that all day because of a mosquito bites.
I'm going to continue looking for new uses for these things. I'm all about frugal, and I'm all about having fewer stacks of crap and not having a 500 lb diaper bag.
Thursday, August 5, 2010
Things I Swore I Would Never Do
or Famous Last Words
Before I became a mother, I swore that there were things I would never do, ways I would never behave, things I would never say. Some of them, I have stuck with. I would like to imagine that my conversations are not 100% about the Bug, and I would also like to imagine that I have never said "well, you aren't a parent, so you can't understand."
But, here is a list of the things I never thought I would say or do that I do, in fact, say and do.
Before I became a mother, I swore that there were things I would never do, ways I would never behave, things I would never say. Some of them, I have stuck with. I would like to imagine that my conversations are not 100% about the Bug, and I would also like to imagine that I have never said "well, you aren't a parent, so you can't understand."
But, here is a list of the things I never thought I would say or do that I do, in fact, say and do.
- Sniff at my child's bottom to determine the status of her diaper. It looks full on nutters, but really, it is easier than peeking in after pulling around her clothes.
- React strongly to stories about harm coming to other people's children. I saw this episode of Oprah the other day about children who were starved by their adoptive mother and I almost cried. On the weather channel yesterday, they had a story about a 5-month-old (the same age as the Bug) who was left in a hot car while his mother went to work and died. The mother said that anyone could do it, and I was outraged.
- Get hyperactive about food additives, and the latest chemical scary stuff. I would like to say that I have become the BPA avenger, attempting to remove anything containing BPA from the planet. Seriously, I would shoot it into space if I could. Except then it might hurt Martian children, and... well, see above.
- People who ask how old my son is, when she's in head to toe pink. Dang that peeves me more than I thought it would.
- Co-sleeping. I understand why sometimes it is the only way for everyone to get some sleep. That said, when we do it because the Bug is having a bout of night-time fussies, I don't get a good night's sleep, so I would rather not. Who knows, I might feel differently after we move and get our king-sized bed back.
- Stroller v. Baby wearing. Do what works. Share with people who ask for advice. I use both.
- Cloth diapers. I wanted to use them, the DH didn't. Said he wouldn't handle poop, wouldn't help with the washing. I'm not as irritated by disposables as I thought I would be.
- Separate meals for toddlers. Right now, I think it is a crime to feed children different food than parents eat. If in 2 years, I am fighting her to eat 2 bites of yogurt, I might change my mind.
- Buying a honkin' huge SUV to accommodate 2 kids. With one, my Forrester feels a bit crowded. But, it sure gets better gas mileage than the V6 I used to drive.
- Moving to another county just for the primo schools. If we stay in our current urban area, I strongly believe that the schools are fine. The magnet schools are better than fine. Why would I move when she could go to one of the country's top high schools?
Monday, May 3, 2010
Dog v. Baby
No, this isn't about a new Animal Planet special program. In a cage match, the Bug would totally win, because the dog would never have a chance-- I'd rip open the cage with my bare hands and rip off the dog's head. Clearly my human child is much more important to me than the furry one.
But... the dog was in my life long before she was. He gets me. He knows to hide when I start swearing, unless I'm in the kitchen, then he starts scavenging.
See, he's cute too. There are reasons he's easier than she is. There are ways they are similar. There are ways she's 1000 times better. So, this will be Mom Snark's first entry of lists.
Points for the dog:
1. I can put him in a crate and leave him unsupervised for a few hours.
2. He will sleep on my feet and keep me warm.
3. He's potty trained. (See next lists for the caveat to that)
4. He's just a dog. If he's upset or sick or unhappy, he's just a dog. I've never wanted to cry because he doesn't feel well.
5. I haven't had any nightmares about ways I can screw him up or injure him.
6. As he very rarely wears clothes, his laundry needs are considerably less.
7. If he kept me up all night for more than a night or two, I could just leave him and a bowl of water out in the yard.
Ways they're tied:
1. In both cases, I have to handle poo.
2. No matter how crappy I feel, I have to take care of their biological needs.
3. No matter how much I explain unpleasant things to them, they just don't get it. (Shots, leashes, car seats)
4. Both instinctively do sweet things that make me happy.
5. Both are capable of interfering with one's... um... romantic life.
Points for the Bug:
1. Eventually, "potty trained" for her means I won't have to handle poop.
2. Eventually, I'll be able to explain things to her... immunizations might still make her cry, but at least she'll understand it. (I cried when I got an MMR at the age of 22. In my defense, it was after having my blood drawn by the least competent student nurse they could have found. So, even when you understand, it might not make a difference on the crying.)
3. She's way cuter.
4. Eventually, walking the dog and handling his poop can be one of her chores. (Okay, not this dog, he probably won't live that long. But some theoretical future dog.)
5. Her biological messes are, at least for now, smaller and smell better.
6. She melts my heart at the most unexpected times just by being herself.
So clearly, the Bug wins, but in part because she is a long term investment. Getting up every three hours sucks, but watching her grow and change is pretty amazing.
Coming next time: some product reviews. (Don't worry, non-parents. These are some odd products that, on their surface, have very little to do with parenting. Mostly.)
But... the dog was in my life long before she was. He gets me. He knows to hide when I start swearing, unless I'm in the kitchen, then he starts scavenging.
See, he's cute too. There are reasons he's easier than she is. There are ways they are similar. There are ways she's 1000 times better. So, this will be Mom Snark's first entry of lists.
Points for the dog:
1. I can put him in a crate and leave him unsupervised for a few hours.
2. He will sleep on my feet and keep me warm.
3. He's potty trained. (See next lists for the caveat to that)
4. He's just a dog. If he's upset or sick or unhappy, he's just a dog. I've never wanted to cry because he doesn't feel well.
5. I haven't had any nightmares about ways I can screw him up or injure him.
6. As he very rarely wears clothes, his laundry needs are considerably less.
7. If he kept me up all night for more than a night or two, I could just leave him and a bowl of water out in the yard.
Ways they're tied:
1. In both cases, I have to handle poo.
2. No matter how crappy I feel, I have to take care of their biological needs.
3. No matter how much I explain unpleasant things to them, they just don't get it. (Shots, leashes, car seats)
4. Both instinctively do sweet things that make me happy.
5. Both are capable of interfering with one's... um... romantic life.
Points for the Bug:
1. Eventually, "potty trained" for her means I won't have to handle poop.
2. Eventually, I'll be able to explain things to her... immunizations might still make her cry, but at least she'll understand it. (I cried when I got an MMR at the age of 22. In my defense, it was after having my blood drawn by the least competent student nurse they could have found. So, even when you understand, it might not make a difference on the crying.)
3. She's way cuter.
4. Eventually, walking the dog and handling his poop can be one of her chores. (Okay, not this dog, he probably won't live that long. But some theoretical future dog.)
5. Her biological messes are, at least for now, smaller and smell better.
6. She melts my heart at the most unexpected times just by being herself.
So clearly, the Bug wins, but in part because she is a long term investment. Getting up every three hours sucks, but watching her grow and change is pretty amazing.
Coming next time: some product reviews. (Don't worry, non-parents. These are some odd products that, on their surface, have very little to do with parenting. Mostly.)
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