Parenting is competitive. Seriously. On an olympic level. Especially for moms. Don't believe me? Check out the Facebook statuses and photos of your parent friends. They are almost all (mine too) about the wondrousness that is the offspring in question.
The thing about parenting, unlike the Olympics, is that there isn't just one set of rules for it. Some people even adjust the rules just to make sure that they are winning at all times.
I'm not playing anymore. But I'm aware of the ways in which I am loosing. And they're funny. So... the reasons I'm a bad mommy.
1. My 2.5 year old is not yet potty trained. She's occasionally gone on the potty when placed there, but it just doesn't occur to her to ask to go. It also doesn't occur to her to tell us when she's messed her diaper. I figure she probably should have an awareness that dry is better than wet before we can make any real progress on this front. I'll keep asking, but she's not going to make progress on this front until she's ready, no matter how tired I am of diapers.
2. I am no longer breastfeeding my 2.5 year old. She lost interest around the time my production took a nosedive. I know that makes me less mom than some would like.
3. I breastfeed my daughter at all. I get that this might make me a bad feminist or not care about my body image or something. Whatever.
4. I take my daughter to daycare even on days I don't have to work. Firstly, I've already paid for it, and secondly, I think she has more fun there than she would spending the day with kids her own age than with me pretending I enjoy doing Ring-Around-the-Rosie 8000 times in a row.
5. I only work part time. (Since we all know grad school isn't a 'real' job.) I mean, seriously, I know you can bill 80 hours a week at your high-powered job, devote another 20 hours/ week to working out, and then be an awesome parent, but some of us do the best we can. I also know you make more than me with fewer degrees. Haven't I been punished enough?
6. I never, ever wear pearls to do my housecleaning. I rarely clean my house. When I do, it's a big day if it is after I've had a shower and it is for a reason other that 'WTF happened to all the spoons? Again?'
7. My daughter has both watched TV and eaten fast food. I understand we are going straight to hell and she is doomed to a sub-standard life. I hope to redeem myself by mentioning that we drink organically farmed local milk.
Congratulations other Moms. You win. Mostly because I'm not playing. I'm going to have to hang my hopes of a gold medal or blue ribbon on either my knitting skills or on taking up archery late in life and discovering that (against all evidence to the contrary) I'm really good at it.
Showing posts with label competitive parenting. Show all posts
Showing posts with label competitive parenting. Show all posts
Friday, July 20, 2012
Tuesday, November 29, 2011
Babies Just Do Stuff
So I have this friend who's daughter is about 6 weeks younger than MK. (A year ago, this seemed like a huge difference. Now, less so. In 20 years, we won't even think about it.)
She did everything different from the way we did it. She formula fed, she did CIO, she worked from the time her daughter was 6 weeks old. (I get how totally lucky I am to have been able to take a 10 month maternity leave, I really do.) Every Attachment-Parenting, hippy granola thing I did, she didn't. Every conventional thing that she did, I didn't.
Her daughter is having some sleep issues after a string of illnesses and teeth. (I hate teeth. Seriously.) And now she and her husband are trying to get their 'perfect sleeper' back. Since all of my methods are strung together from making crap work because I don't have CIO in me or in my soul, I know I can't really tell her anything she will find useful. Except this:
Babies do stuff. Toddlers even more so. They go through phases, are royal pains in the butt as often as not, and then they're just not anymore. They've moved on to some other way to make their parents crazy. I'm pretty sure that this continues until they're teenagers.
The Bug moved on from being weird about sleep to being defiant... I ask her not to do something, she looks at me, grins, and does it again, as though what I actually said was 'one more time, but with feeling!' Once I figure this one out, she'll try to get her nose pierced or something.
I really think that my only rule of parenting is this: 'kids do stuff. Once you've accommodated your life to that stuff, they start doing other stuff.' My primary task as a parent, I suppose, is to not get to attached to the stuff that worked in that mythical time 'before.'
Damnit. If I'm going to put this parenting plan in action, I'm going to need to spend some more time on that dusty meditation cushion.
She did everything different from the way we did it. She formula fed, she did CIO, she worked from the time her daughter was 6 weeks old. (I get how totally lucky I am to have been able to take a 10 month maternity leave, I really do.) Every Attachment-Parenting, hippy granola thing I did, she didn't. Every conventional thing that she did, I didn't.
Her daughter is having some sleep issues after a string of illnesses and teeth. (I hate teeth. Seriously.) And now she and her husband are trying to get their 'perfect sleeper' back. Since all of my methods are strung together from making crap work because I don't have CIO in me or in my soul, I know I can't really tell her anything she will find useful. Except this:
Babies do stuff. Toddlers even more so. They go through phases, are royal pains in the butt as often as not, and then they're just not anymore. They've moved on to some other way to make their parents crazy. I'm pretty sure that this continues until they're teenagers.
The Bug moved on from being weird about sleep to being defiant... I ask her not to do something, she looks at me, grins, and does it again, as though what I actually said was 'one more time, but with feeling!' Once I figure this one out, she'll try to get her nose pierced or something.
I really think that my only rule of parenting is this: 'kids do stuff. Once you've accommodated your life to that stuff, they start doing other stuff.' My primary task as a parent, I suppose, is to not get to attached to the stuff that worked in that mythical time 'before.'
Damnit. If I'm going to put this parenting plan in action, I'm going to need to spend some more time on that dusty meditation cushion.
Monday, May 9, 2011
TV Moms
So here's where I admit it. I'm a reality TV junkie.
Sort of. I've never been a big fan of the sort of reality TV where somebody gets voted off the peninsula or whatever every week, and despite the fact that I would like to do an adventure race someday, I have never really enjoyed the shows where they drop someone off in the middle of nowhere with a sponsored cellphone, a camera crew, and $10 to see what happens.
What I am a fan of is the sort of reality TV that looks a little like someone's real life... but is enough removed from mine that I can judge them from a safe distance. This is why I like almost the entire "Real Housewives" series. (I'm not crazy about the New Jersey housewives. It's like Bravo's casting call included "must be a stereotype of New Jersey tackiness while not being quite as trashy as those 'Jersey Shore' kids.) But give me the "Real Housewives of Orange County" or the "Real Housewives of New York" and a drinky-drink and I'm a happy mama.
I was watching the "Real Housewives of New York" spin-off "Bethany Ever After..." and I was struck by something. Of all of these shows, her life looks the most like mine... she struggles to find balance, she has fights with her husband, she never seems to have enough hours in the day. And yet she somehow finds time to go out with her husband, go to the spa, and never has complained about how much baby sleep is a royal pain in the arse. I must be flawed if I complain, right?
But then I realized something. I expect everything in my life to look like the life of a TV mom. and Frankel struggles to make it all work and she has a multi-million dollar income, a assistant who works out of an office in Frankel's home, a live in nanny, and make up and hair artists who make her pretty any time she has to appear in public. I have.... well, I have a dog, who thoughtfully cleans the highchair after the Bug finishes eating. Also, I don't have an editing director who picks the interesting funny parts of parenting rather than the pain-in-the-arse exhausting parts to show.
I'm in it all the time.
Oops. There's the chatty sweet girl waking up on the monitor.
I wonder why they don't show poopy diapers on TV?
(Oh, and Skinny Girl Margaritas are awesome!)
Sort of. I've never been a big fan of the sort of reality TV where somebody gets voted off the peninsula or whatever every week, and despite the fact that I would like to do an adventure race someday, I have never really enjoyed the shows where they drop someone off in the middle of nowhere with a sponsored cellphone, a camera crew, and $10 to see what happens.
What I am a fan of is the sort of reality TV that looks a little like someone's real life... but is enough removed from mine that I can judge them from a safe distance. This is why I like almost the entire "Real Housewives" series. (I'm not crazy about the New Jersey housewives. It's like Bravo's casting call included "must be a stereotype of New Jersey tackiness while not being quite as trashy as those 'Jersey Shore' kids.) But give me the "Real Housewives of Orange County" or the "Real Housewives of New York" and a drinky-drink and I'm a happy mama.
I was watching the "Real Housewives of New York" spin-off "Bethany Ever After..." and I was struck by something. Of all of these shows, her life looks the most like mine... she struggles to find balance, she has fights with her husband, she never seems to have enough hours in the day. And yet she somehow finds time to go out with her husband, go to the spa, and never has complained about how much baby sleep is a royal pain in the arse. I must be flawed if I complain, right?
But then I realized something. I expect everything in my life to look like the life of a TV mom. and Frankel struggles to make it all work and she has a multi-million dollar income, a assistant who works out of an office in Frankel's home, a live in nanny, and make up and hair artists who make her pretty any time she has to appear in public. I have.... well, I have a dog, who thoughtfully cleans the highchair after the Bug finishes eating. Also, I don't have an editing director who picks the interesting funny parts of parenting rather than the pain-in-the-arse exhausting parts to show.
I'm in it all the time.
Oops. There's the chatty sweet girl waking up on the monitor.
I wonder why they don't show poopy diapers on TV?
(Oh, and Skinny Girl Margaritas are awesome!)
Wednesday, November 3, 2010
The Authors of Baby Sleep Books are Big Fat Liars
Because the truth, as I have discovered it, wouldn't sell books. It would be boring and depressing.
The truth of baby sleep is this: their little brains are developing, their little bodies are developing, and their sleep habits are constantly changing.
It doesn't matter what you do, if you let the poor little dear cry until they vomit, come console them at regular scheduled intervals, snuggle with them in a family bed, or some hybrid of the above. They're going to do what they're going to do and not consult the adults whose very sanity lies in their precious little hands as to what would make those adults happiest. Sometimes they're going to go down easily at 8pm and sleep quietly until 7am, and sometimes they refuse to even consider sleep until 10pm, and then wake up at 1am and 6am.
The one thing I have found is that snuggling seems to keep the crying at a minimum, and I just don't see how letting the Bug cry it out would change anything, except possibly to get me put on blood pressure meds. I have friends who are firm believers in cry-it-out, and they deal with the same sleep issues we do.
The problem with the sleep books is that they lead a mother to believe that she is a moral failure if her child doesn't sleep a beautific 10 hours at night and take two easy two hour naps during the day, promptly at 10am and 2pm.
I am not a moral failure. Those guys (and they are, for the most part, men) are just assholes.
The truth of baby sleep is this: their little brains are developing, their little bodies are developing, and their sleep habits are constantly changing.
It doesn't matter what you do, if you let the poor little dear cry until they vomit, come console them at regular scheduled intervals, snuggle with them in a family bed, or some hybrid of the above. They're going to do what they're going to do and not consult the adults whose very sanity lies in their precious little hands as to what would make those adults happiest. Sometimes they're going to go down easily at 8pm and sleep quietly until 7am, and sometimes they refuse to even consider sleep until 10pm, and then wake up at 1am and 6am.
The one thing I have found is that snuggling seems to keep the crying at a minimum, and I just don't see how letting the Bug cry it out would change anything, except possibly to get me put on blood pressure meds. I have friends who are firm believers in cry-it-out, and they deal with the same sleep issues we do.
The problem with the sleep books is that they lead a mother to believe that she is a moral failure if her child doesn't sleep a beautific 10 hours at night and take two easy two hour naps during the day, promptly at 10am and 2pm.
I am not a moral failure. Those guys (and they are, for the most part, men) are just assholes.
Thursday, August 5, 2010
Things I Swore I Would Never Do
or Famous Last Words
Before I became a mother, I swore that there were things I would never do, ways I would never behave, things I would never say. Some of them, I have stuck with. I would like to imagine that my conversations are not 100% about the Bug, and I would also like to imagine that I have never said "well, you aren't a parent, so you can't understand."
But, here is a list of the things I never thought I would say or do that I do, in fact, say and do.
Before I became a mother, I swore that there were things I would never do, ways I would never behave, things I would never say. Some of them, I have stuck with. I would like to imagine that my conversations are not 100% about the Bug, and I would also like to imagine that I have never said "well, you aren't a parent, so you can't understand."
But, here is a list of the things I never thought I would say or do that I do, in fact, say and do.
- Sniff at my child's bottom to determine the status of her diaper. It looks full on nutters, but really, it is easier than peeking in after pulling around her clothes.
- React strongly to stories about harm coming to other people's children. I saw this episode of Oprah the other day about children who were starved by their adoptive mother and I almost cried. On the weather channel yesterday, they had a story about a 5-month-old (the same age as the Bug) who was left in a hot car while his mother went to work and died. The mother said that anyone could do it, and I was outraged.
- Get hyperactive about food additives, and the latest chemical scary stuff. I would like to say that I have become the BPA avenger, attempting to remove anything containing BPA from the planet. Seriously, I would shoot it into space if I could. Except then it might hurt Martian children, and... well, see above.
- People who ask how old my son is, when she's in head to toe pink. Dang that peeves me more than I thought it would.
- Co-sleeping. I understand why sometimes it is the only way for everyone to get some sleep. That said, when we do it because the Bug is having a bout of night-time fussies, I don't get a good night's sleep, so I would rather not. Who knows, I might feel differently after we move and get our king-sized bed back.
- Stroller v. Baby wearing. Do what works. Share with people who ask for advice. I use both.
- Cloth diapers. I wanted to use them, the DH didn't. Said he wouldn't handle poop, wouldn't help with the washing. I'm not as irritated by disposables as I thought I would be.
- Separate meals for toddlers. Right now, I think it is a crime to feed children different food than parents eat. If in 2 years, I am fighting her to eat 2 bites of yogurt, I might change my mind.
- Buying a honkin' huge SUV to accommodate 2 kids. With one, my Forrester feels a bit crowded. But, it sure gets better gas mileage than the V6 I used to drive.
- Moving to another county just for the primo schools. If we stay in our current urban area, I strongly believe that the schools are fine. The magnet schools are better than fine. Why would I move when she could go to one of the country's top high schools?
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