Not as Good as Me

I think I have found a daycare provider.

She is a lovely woman who takes care of a few children on 3 days a week in her home. She's sweet. She's very southern. She's got a lovely little boy and a kind husband. She has a lovely home that makes mine look like something of a hovel. Okay, I might be exaggerating a bit, but I still maintain that the situation there is pretty great.

But I know that sending the Bug there won't feel as good to me when she was at home with me. I'm desperate to work. I recognize that I am not cut out to be a full time stay-at-home mom. My brain just isn't cut out for it. But I also feel like there is no way another person could take care of her as well as I can.

It's batshit crazy-pants to think that at once, I'm not cut out to be with her all the time and that no one else can take care of her as well as I can, but there it is. She'll know the difference, I'll know the difference, and it will make me kind of sad.